


we'll figure it out.

by spn_wincest_etc (babybrotherdean)



Series: Prompt Fills [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Sam Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Lots of kissing, M/M, Sam discovering that he's ace and figuring out what that means, Weecest, and eventually telling Dean, covers a few years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3359297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybrotherdean/pseuds/spn_wincest_etc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s jealous. He’s <i>jealous</i>. </p><p>Not of Dean. He doesn’t feel this way because he wants to be the one on top of that girl. He hadn’t even looked at her, really, but she’s the one he realizes he’s jealous of.</p><p>He wants to be that girl. He wants to be the one kissing Dean, the one pressed close to him. The train of thought ends there, because the idea that Dean and the girl are going to do more, are possibly going to take their clothes off and keep kissing and touching and-</p><p>Sam doesn’t want to think about it. There’s something about it that repulses him, beyond the idea of Dean being with a girl like that. Beyond the jealousy. He wonders if maybe he’s still not old enough, if he’s not enough of a grown-up to understand why people enjoy sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we'll figure it out.

**Author's Note:**

> _Hey! If requests are still open I'd love to request something! If you don't mind, can I ask for asexual Sam in weecest?:) maybe him coming out or how Dean deals with it, or anything really! I just love ace Sam and I'd love to see how you write him:) if not, that's all good too! Thanks for reading xx_
> 
>  
> 
> Another anonymous prompt, and it's beautiful and I love you. Please note that I'm not asexual, and if I portrayed it inaccurately (or offensively), please let me know so I can fix it! Hope you like it, though :D

Sam’s twelve years old when his big brother comes back to the motel with a grin on his face and a swagger in his step, looking incredibly pleased with himself. Not that Dean doesn’t always have a confident air about him, but he’s practically glowing, now, and it has Sam sitting up a little straighter, immediately curious.

"Hey." Dean closes and locks the door behind himself, careful not to disturb the salt line, just like always. "Miss me?"

"Where were you?" Sam wants to know what’s got his brother looking so happy, wants to know if maybe he can tuck it away and bring it out next time he’s got that sad smile. Of all Dean’s smiles, it’s the only one he doesn’t like, the one he should never have to wear.

"Out." Dean shrugs, kicks off his boots before going to plop down on his bed with a sigh. "With that girl I told you about. Casey?"

Sam furrows his brow a little, nods. He hasn’t met her, but Dean talks about her sometimes, tells Sam about how pretty she is. He still isn’t quite sure why it bothers him- Casey’s a nice girl, he’s sure- but he gets that twisty feeling in his stomach again at the reminder. “Yeah. You were hanging out?”

"Kinda." Dean gives him a mysterious smile, that time, and Sam’s just left confused. "You’ll get it when you’re older, kiddo."

That’s all the information Sam’s given, and he decides to let it go. Besides, Dean’s attention is back on him a moment later, asking him how school went, and it doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

-

Sam’s thirteen when Dean decides to give him The Talk.

That’s how he says it, the capital letters obvious in his voice, when he sits Sam down and actually manages to stay serious about it.

"Sex can feel really good. So can a lot of other stuff. But you’ve always gotta be careful with girls, make sure you like… use protection, all that shit." The mechanics of it sound straightforward, anyways, as Dean talks him through what goes where, and then he’s rambling about how "with puberty comes all sorts of confusing hormones," and Sam…

Sam can’t really bring himself to be all that interested.

"And you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, okay? That’s important, Sammy, you gotta remember that."

Of course he appreciates what Dean’s doing, taking the time to make sure he knows how everything works, but listening to his brother explain it… he just can’t see the appeal. Sure, he’s seen pretty girls, but when he tries to think about what’s Dean’s explaining to him…

"It’s not just girls, either. Like, it’s totally okay if you don’t swing that way, y’know? Liking guys is cool. So, I mean, you don’t need to worry about that stuff with me. Promise."

Sam doesn’t realize he’s drifting in and out of focus until Dean’s pressing a hand to his forehead, frowning a little. “Don’t have a fever. You okay?”

Sam blinks a few times. “Um. Yeah. Sorry.”

"S’alright." Dean shrugs, settles back again. "Anyways, guess that’s it. You got any questions?"

He’s blurting it out before he thinks it through. “It’s- that’s something people like to do? Really?”

Dean smiles a bit, but doesn’t laugh, which Sam appreciates. “Yeah, that’s right. It’s kind of a grown-up thing, I guess.” He reaches out to ruffle Sam’s hair affectionately. “Just wanted to make sure you knew what was up before you got caught with your pants down, y’know?”

Sam laughs, then, whatever discomfort he’d felt dissipating as his brother teases him. “Yeah. Thanks, Dean.”

"You got it." Dean grins at him, stands up and stretches. "Promise it won’t seem gross later. When you’re older. Oh, and here." He digs into his pocket, produces a small foil packet and tosses it to Sam. "Safe sex is important." He winks, spins to walk away. "I’m gonna order a pizza."

Sam frowns a little, looks at the packet, and blushes hard when he reads the label. Carefully, like it’s liable to bite him if he moves too fast, he drops it in one of the motel’s end tables before hurrying after his brother. He’s pretty sure he won’t need it anytime soon.

-

Sam’s fourteen when he realizes that he has a crush on his big brother.

It’s never been something that’s bothered him, how close they are. He loves it when Dean hugs him, when he ruffles his hair or squeezes his arm or calls him Sammy, the way no one else except Dad is allowed. Even calls Sam his baby boy sometimes, if he’s sleepy and feeling especially affectionate. It makes him feel special, loved, warms something in his chest. It’s not until one day when he walks in on his brother with a girl that he realizes it’s something more. 

Soccer practice ends up getting cancelled on account of bad weather, so Sam walks home by himself. He doesn’t want to bother Dean to come pick him up, and the motel isn’t far, anyways. He’s soaked by the time he gets there, though, finds the key where it’s buried in his pocket. He opens the door slowly and almost wishes he’d called.

Dean’s there, but he’s not alone. He’s in bed with a girl, his shirt off, their lips locked together. Apparently neither of them notice the door opening in the heat of the moment, and the way they’re pressed up against each other, moving slow, Sam’s pretty sure they won’t anytime soon.

Sam closes the door quickly, quietly, prays that Dean hadn’t notice. He walks slowly to a nearby bench, sits down and sets his backpack on his lap, hugs it to his chest. The bench is under an overhang but it’s windy out and the rain’s moving on a diagonal, soaking him to the bone, and he shivers.

Even with the cold distracting him, it’s impossible to ignore the twisting feeling in his gut. It’s something he’s become familiar with over the years, something he feels whenever Dean talks about girls. It’s not until now, though, that he can put a name to it.

He’s jealous. He’s _jealous_. 

Not of Dean. He doesn’t feel this way because he wants to be the one on top of that girl. He hadn’t even looked at her, really, but she’s the one he realizes he’s jealous of.

He wants to be that girl. He wants to be the one kissing Dean, the one pressed close to him. The train of thought ends there, because the idea that Dean and the girl are going to do more, are possibly going to take their clothes off and keep kissing and touching and-

Sam doesn’t want to think about it. There’s something about it that repulses him, beyond the idea of Dean being with a girl like that. Beyond the jealousy. He wonders if maybe he’s still not old enough, if he’s not enough of a grown-up to understand why people enjoy sex.

Sam’s not sure how much time passes while he’s outside. He doesn’t see the girl leave, but suddenly Dean’s there, swearing under his breath and dropping down to crouch in front of him, reaching out to cup Sam’s face in his hands. They’re warm, and Sam lets his eyes flutter shut, leans into it.

"Jesus, you’re fuckin’ freezing," Dean murmurs. "How long you been out here?" 

Sam shrugs, because he really doesn’t know. “It was raining,” he says, realizes that it isn’t anymore. “Soccer was cancelled. You… you looked busy.”

Dean looks confused for a moment, but it fades into guilt a moment later. “I could’ve sent her home, Sammy,” he sighs, stands up. “I’m sorry. C’mon, let’s get you into something dry.”

They go back to the room, and Dean insists on stripping him down to his boxers before nudging him in the direction of the bathroom. “Lots of hot water for you,” he promises, and then, “I’ll find us something to watch.”

The idea of just laying around and watching a movie with Dean has Sam smiling a little as he showers, barely even bothers drying his hair before heading back out again. He joins Dean on the couch, and then Dean’s arm is around his shoulders and he’s getting hauled in close.

"Got some colour back in you, at least," he murmurs, glancing at Sam. "Don’t do that again, okay? Scared me."

Sam nods a little, mumbles an apology as he curls up at Dean’s side. It makes it better, somehow, and a small, petty part of him rejoices that he’s the only one to get this treatments. The girls might get Dean for a few days, but Sam’s the only one who’s ever going to be his little brother.

-

By the time Sam’s fifteen, Dean’s started asking him about girls.

"See anyone you like, yet?"

"She’s cute, huh?"

"Man, all you gotta do is give some chick those eyes of yours, and she’ll be falling over herself to get with you."

After weeks and then months of avoidance and non-answers- because Sam’s not exactly about to admit that he hasn’t been looking at girls, not really- the question turns a little more tentative, and Dean seems a little conflicted for a while, always thoughtful when he looks at Sam.

"What is it?" Sam asks one day, a little fed up with all the staring. 

Dean blinks a few times, apparently having been lost in thought. “I… what? What’s what?”

"You. You’re acting weird." Sam makes some vague hand gestures. "You’re all… broody, or something. And quiet."

Dean looks a little sheepish for a moment, rubs at the back of his neck before sighing. “Alright, fine. Just been wondering about something.”

Sam tilts his head. “About what?”

Dean fidgets in place for a few seconds. “Are you gay?” he blurts out a moment later, and Sam’s pretty sure he’s not the only one startled by it. “I mean- do you like guys? Is that it? You always seem kinda uncomfortable, when I ask you stuff, and I thought it was just ‘cause you were shy or something, maybe, but I’ve been thinking, and-“

"Dean." Sam interrupts his brother because he can tell how nervous he is, and Dean tends to ramble when he’s nervous. There’s no telling how long he’d go on if he could. 

Dean blinks, nods a bit. “Sorry. But… I mean, you know you can tell me this stuff, right? I won’t be mad or anything. If you are. Or if you aren’t. Like… whatever makes you happy.” 

Sam ducks his head to hide his smile. “I know. But…” Then he hesitates a moment, suddenly unsure of himself. He likes Dean, of course, and sometimes he sees attractive guys, but… is that enough to be gay? “I don’t know. If I am.”

Dean seems to consider that for a moment before nodding. “Alright. But, y’know, if you ever need to talk about it or whatever…” He smiles a little, spreads his arms wide. “Here I am.”

Sam can’t quite resist; he gets up, walks over, and gives his brother a hug. He can feel Dean’s laughter where their chests are pressed together, feels strong arms wrap tight around him a moment later. “Yeah, yeah, we’re all a bunch of girls,” he teases, gives Sam a squeeze and doesn’t let go. “Love you, too, kiddo.”

Sam hides his smile in the crook of Dean’s neck, and thinks that as long as he has this, things might be okay.

-

Sam’s sixteen when his brother kisses him for the first time.

It’s a surprise, when Dean presses him back against the door and their lips meet. For a long moment, Sam doesn’t know what to do, but once he accepts that this is real, not some fantasy he’s conjured, he’s doing his best to kiss back, relaxes in place and tries to copy Dean’s movements.

Dean breaks away after several long seconds, rests his forehead against Sam and pants softly. “Sorry,” he murmurs, but he doesn’t really sound very sorry at all.

"Don’t be." Sam swallows hard, finally opens his eyes again to look at his brother. "You- you mean it?" Because even though they haven’t really said anything, the kiss was charged with everything that remains unspoken, the words that fit the moment.

"Yeah." Dean smiles a little, fumbles for one of Sam’s hands and fits their fingers together. "If it’s okay. With you."

"Definitely okay." Sam smiles, too, and he’s a little shy about it when he leans in and pecks Dean’s lips. "And- thank you."

Dean just kisses him again, slower that time, and that’s the end of the conversation. They spend the rest of the evening curled up on the couch, closer that they’ve been since they were little kids and being splayed all over each other was no big deal. They even sleep in the same bed, Dean’s arm curled around him, and Sam’s pretty sure he’s never been happier.

-

Their relationship continues like that for a while. Kisses while Dad’s not around and spending time together and always being close, arms across shoulders and legs tangled together under the table, in bed. Sam’s seventeen when it starts going farther.

They’re kissing, in bed, and Dean’s on top of him, kind of like that girl all those years ago. They’re moving more slowly, though, and Dean’s carding his fingers through his hair, and Sam’s just happy to be close like this. He thinks nothing of it when Dean breaks the kiss, starts kissing his way down Sam’s neck. It’s happened before and is extremely pleasant, so Sam just tips his head back and lets his brother go to town.

There’s no problem until Dean goes farther, hands moving from Sam’s hair to slide down his sides, settle on his hips as he moves to get himself comfortable between Sam’s legs. Then he’s got a hand on the button of Sam’s jeans, and Sam goes completely still.

Dean notices, apparently, glances up. “I- is this okay?” he asks, doesn’t go any farther.

Sam hesitates before nodding slowly. Dean wants this, he reminds himself, and it’s not like they’ve never been in boxers around each other, right? 

Dean looks a little hesitant, but nods, undoes the button and the zipper and then eases the jeans down and off Sam’s hips. 

Sam’s tense, barely even realizes his. His heart’s pounding, but it doesn’t feel like a good thing. 

When Dean returns, he presses a couple careful kisses to Sam’s stomach, pushes his shirt up a little to get at bare skin. He pets his hands along Sam’s sides like he’s soothing a spooked animal, and Sam tries to take a deep breath, tries to steady himself.

This is it. This should be the moment when all that sexual desire comes pouring in, right? Dean’s obviously there, adjusts his jeans a little before going back to work. But as much as Sam likes having his brother close to him, it just… isn’t happening. There’s nothing there, and Sam barely notices when his eyes well up with tears, because _there should be something there_. Dean’s told him so. He wonders if maybe he’s broken, if maybe he can just endure this and it’ll be better once Dean’s done… whatever he’s going to do.

But when Sam looks down, Dean isn’t moving. He’s looking up with concern in his eyes, and that’s when Sam realizes he’s crying. 

"Hey, hey," Dean whispers, moves to stretch out beside Sam and pulls him into his arms. Sam’s getting bigger, now, almost taller than Dean, but he’s got no shame in hiding his face in the crook of his brother’s neck like he’s five years old all over again. "What’s wrong? Did I- was it too much?"

Maybe it was, but Sam’s not sure that’s really the issue here. He tries to come up with words, tries to offer Dean some kind of explanation, but he just shakes his head, curls in close. “M’sorry,” he mumbles, reaches up to scrub the tears off his face. “It’s- it’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

"It’s not stupid." Sam feels Dean press a kiss to the top of his head, and they don’t talk for a while. Dean holds him, strokes his hair, occasionally presses a kiss to his forehead.

Sam’s almost asleep when Dean speaks again, whisper-soft. “I’m sorry. Not your fault, s’mine.” Dean’s arms tighten around him. “Love you.”

Sam barely manages to mumble a soft “love you, too,” before he’s falling asleep.

-

For a long while after that, Dean doesn’t push. They go on like they’ve been since the start, chaste kisses and holding hands when they’re allowed. Dean doesn’t mention what happened, and Sam keeps on wondering what’s wrong with him.

When he’s eighteen, looking through the library to find himself something so do, he stumbles across something completely by accident. It’s the gender studies section, relatively small, but still an abnormality since their family spends so much time in small-town America. Curious, he wanders between the shelves, scanning over the titles.

The word “asexuality” catches his eye, and he picks up the book.

He reads it cover to cover, and by the time he’s done, he thinks he’s probably going to cry. Because he’s not a freak, not any more than their lifestyle makes him. There are other people like this, and now he’s got a name for how he feels.

He hurries back to motel after that, back to where he knows he’ll find Dean by himself. Dad’s busy chasing after some ‘shifter a few towns over, so Sam doesn’t worry about fighting with him right now.

Dean’s sprawled out in bed when Sam gets home, the book clutched to his chest like a shield. His brother looks up from the soap opera he’s got on, smiles when he sees Sam.

"What’s got you all excited?" he asks, sounds vaguely amused, and Sam realizes he’s almost bouncing in place. He blushes a little, rubs at the back of his neck.

"I, uh." He swallows hard, realizes that this is kind of a big reveal as he closes the door behind himself. "I need to talk to you."

Dean watches him for a moment, then grabs the remote and clicks off the TV, immediately attentive. “Alright. What about?” he asks, pats the spot next to him. 

Sam takes the invitation, moves closer and sits beside his brother. He’s still holding the book, but he doesn’t let Dean see it yet. “You, uh. You remember that time, last year? When we… um.”

It’s obvious Dean remembers, though, because he nods, looks serious all of a sudden. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I remember.”

"I… I want to explain." Sam sees Dean about to protest, but he shakes his head. "Let me do this, okay? I just- you need to know."

Dean still doesn’t look all that happy, but nods, settles down. “Alright. I’m listening.”

Sam takes a deep breath, looks away for a moment. “I… I’m asexual.”

Beat. “I don’t know what that means,” his brother replies, sounds apologetic.

Sam nods again. He’s not surprised. “It means I don’t like sex. More or less. I mean, it’s more complicated than that, but… that’s kind of the Cliffnotes version.”

Dean’s quiet for a moment, and Sam’s worried until he looks up, sees the thoughtful look on his brother’s face. “Alright,” Dean says slowly, and Sam imagines he can see the gears turning in his head. “So- you don’t like the sexy stuff. But… the kissing?”

"I love kissing you," Sam says quickly, feels his cheeks warm up. "But it’s just… it’s kind of a blurry line, you know? I mean some stuff is good, but- I just. I don’t like the idea of going… farther."

There’s sudden understanding in Dean’s eyes, and he nods slowly. “That’s why you didn’t want to talk about girls,” he says. “Or guys, I guess. You just… weren’t into them?”

Sam shrugs. “I mean, I was into you,” he replies. “I just didn’t… have that desire. I guess.” He pauses a moment. “You’re taking this well.”

Dean smiles a bit at that, presses a kiss to Sam’s cheek. “It kind of explains a lot of stuff,” he admits. He looks down at the book, then, seems curious. “Whatcha got there?”

Sam glances at the book, too, having nearly forgotten about it. “Oh. It, uh. It’s a book.” As if that wasn’t obvious. He offers it to Dean, explains as his brother inspects the cover. “It’s about asexuality. And stuff. I- I mean, I thought maybe you’d like to look it over. It explains better.”

He almost explains Dean to laugh it off, but Dean just nods, hums thoughtfully. “Yeah, that’d be good.” He glances at Sam, smiles again. “Wanna know how to make you happy.”

Sam feels like a weight’s been lifted off his chest, and he throws himself into Dean’s arms without warning, smiles wide when his brother laughs.

"You’re the best," he mumbles, noses at Dean’s neck. "I love you. A lot."

"Love you, too." Dean laughs softly, hugs Sam close. "And we’ll figure this out, okay? We’ll figure out how to work with it."

Sam goes to bed feeling happier than he has in years. The book’s on the bedside table, already accumulating some dog-eared pages, and Dean’s wrapped around him, and he thinks that maybe, everything’s going to be okay.

-

When Sam’s twenty-two and Dad’s missing and he’s just watched his attempt at “normal” burn to the ground along with the only girl he’s ever really loved, Dean’s there, and Dean’s holding him, and Dean’s the one whispering that “it’s gonna be okay, Sammy, you’re gonna be okay.” And maybe it’s hard to believe right now, when he feels like everything’s gone wrong, but Dean’s arms are strong and real and safe, and for now, he’s just happy that he still has his big brother. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone :D Hit me up at allywriteswords.tumblr.com for prompts :)


End file.
